I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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