I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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