"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
