The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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