ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
