Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
