why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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