Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
