Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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