Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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