Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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