he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Operation Purity has been aborted
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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