My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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