pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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