I don't think brook has ever known best
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
