I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
