Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
