Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
