I wanna passion pit in your ass
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
