I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The struggles of a small town man whore
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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