I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
