My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
