i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
