You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
