He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
