he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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