Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
