lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
