I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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