Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
