You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
