i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize