Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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