Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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