I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
