Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
