i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
