What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
