I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
