I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We're too hungover to prance.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
