i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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