he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
