Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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