I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Come share oat with me in your robe
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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