the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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