remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
