I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
