I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think your dad took our porno
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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