Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
