Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
