My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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