If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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