yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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