Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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