This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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