well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
