That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
