Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(870): View more from Arkansas

I don't get it.

(501): View more from Arkansas

Me neither.

(501): View more from Arkansas

But I masturbated to it anyway.

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(907): View more from Alaska

I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself

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(843): View more from South Carolina

if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.

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(540): View more from Virginia

Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.

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(416): View more from Toronto

I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".

(416): View more from Toronto

That's about an "8" on normal scales.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.

(732): View more from New Jersey

Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"

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(916): View more from California

Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?

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