none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
