somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
