porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
