worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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