I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
