Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize