Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize