Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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