i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
