you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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