checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she smelled like a LAN party
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
