At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
