'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
