Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
