It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
