don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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