spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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