one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
