Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
