there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize