thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
