i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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