and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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