I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
