so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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