i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
