You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you win again, gameday.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
