Your mouth is God's brothel.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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