Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
