Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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